More random than ever

All of a sudden I am reminded of the various interesting conversations with people. For no reason at all. It's just one of the things that happens to you when you are in no mood to study, even when it's time to.

My writer's block has been there for quite some time already and somehow I get this feeling that this time it's here to stay. Feels like I am stuck or something. And I recall how a close friend of mine commented that my chinese entries seem to convey exactly how I feel. In response to that I told her that sometimes I feel how nice it would be if I could become a writer. But of course, that is like totally ridiculous daydreaming. Firstly, how many popular Singaporean writers do you know? Even if you can write, books are hard to sell, especially in tiny Singapore. Secondly, and definitely more importantly, I think there is this thing about writing and letting words convey your feelings. When the words flow so so smoothly and everything comes out just right in exactly the way you want it, somehow you feel empty after that. I am not sure about other people. But I write best when I am depressed/in pain. The words just come out so effortlessly and the completed entry never fails to amaze me. In a way, no art work is possible without depressions or anguish. If so, art then becomes a sacrifice. It depends on if you are willing to sacrifice for art or live in happiness. And this other thing about art. You write when you are in pain, you feel fulfilled for a brief moment after you write, but what follows is an emptiness which nothing seems to be able to fill. And the grief is still there, most probably even worse than before. So it's like something you can't get out of. Depressions and more depressions. So perhaps the reason I am having writer's block is because I am not depressed? I would like to think it that way. Sounds more comforting than the fact that perhaps I just can't write.

Had quite a few people asking me this question recently. Don't know why. The thing about relationships. People like to discuss it regardless of whether they are in it or not. Maybe they feel it's time to talk about it or get curious about it. Or maybe they are discussing it just because everyone else is doing it.

"Would you bother if you know a relationship won't last?"

Well most people around me give "yes" as the answer, largely because they believe in "just live for the moment" thingy. "Beautiful memories are worth anything and everything. So what if you don't end up with that person?" "The person may give you something so special that the result doesn't matter."

Erm well ...yea, maybe. But I guess I am just not that kind of person to think that way. If something seems destined to fail even before I start, I say no. Simply because I don't believe in 不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。To me that sounds like total crap. Ok I am a serious person. Not sure if it's a good thing or not. Maybe not.

I like blogsurfing. I think blogs are so NOT a good way to keep in touch, but an excellent platform to show off your writing skills. (that is, if you actually write stuff on your blogs and not ramble on and on like me) And I am amazed at how some of my friends can write. Excellent stuff. So to those who can write, please write. Just hopefully you don't feel empty after writing those excellent stuff.